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As I previously wrote about in this blog entry, the concept of having an “inner child” aspect of ourselves is commonly known by most people, especially those on a self healing path. In my experience working with parts of myself and with others, I have also identified that there is a well formed part or subpersonality that we call in SoulFullHeart our inner wounded teenager. This aspect of ourselves is “stuck” subconsciously in the teenage phase of our lives, where our consciousness was budding, our identity forming, and when the rejection or acceptance of the templating offered to us by our parents was happening inside of us.
In mainstream culture, teenagers are typically seen as ‘difficult’ and ‘hard to reach’ with parents expressing frustration around dealing with them. I feel this viewpoint about teenagers is held by the false self version of the parents (usually the matriarch and patriarch) who are working to suppress their own inner teen and its’ tumultuous and rebellious feelings. I’ve been a parts work facilitator for several teenagers and I was awed and touched by how they held the process of getting to know aspects of themselves. I hold a deep respect for them, as I do the part of me that holds teenage frequencies. The teenagers that I’ve worked with still have an identity forming, so they felt more open to parts work and had an easier time challenging the false versions of themselves. The challenge in working with teens was supporting them to discover and arise into their authentic self while not deconstructing too much of what had formed related to their parents and cultural conditioning. So, I have experienced that our inner teenager is often most able to embrace this esoteric and foreign idea of parts work and actually greatly benefits by being felt in what had been previously suppressed in them.
In support of our inner teenagers and also of souls who are currently in the teenage phase of life, I wanted to share movies that I felt emotionally captured what it feels like to be a teenager. There is a sense in many of these movies that the teens are much more emotionally aware (even if they seem ‘shut down’ or remote on the surface,) more honest, and more spiritually porous than the adults around them. While you are watching these movies, see if you can feel your inner teenager and begin to get a sense of what your emotional experience as a teenager was as consciously embracing this wonderful part of you holds a big key to your authentic self expression as an adult
The Way, Way Back- I just watched this last night. I was struck by the emotional realism of the 14-year-old main character, Duncan, and how he responded to his mother’s toxic relationship with her boyfriend and to a self affirming and supportive one with a new male mentor. He open and closes like a flower, retracting in reasonable self protection when needed and opening to receive love and affection when offered. He is wrapped in a shield of flatness hiding raw emotional nerves underneath and buried natural charisma. Duncan is consistently the most emotionally aware person in the room and it makes part of him miserable to have to conform to the immaturity and lack of integrity of his supposed caregivers. His unlikely mentor in the film provides a new father-man template for him, one that is actually able to learn and grow himself during the course of the film. There are moments that are truly uncomfortable and awkward in this film, just like in real life. The scene with the volatile, forced gaiety, errupting into conflict game of candyland captured so much of my teenagehood as it might remind you of yours. This is not glorified teenagehood, this portrays the truly up and down experience that this phase of life offers us.
Availablility: On DVD for rental and purchase
The Descendents– An estranged father, Matt King, and his 17-year-old daughter, Alexandra, are forced together when Matt’s wife has an accident and is in a coma. Matt is a typical absent father-patriarch, letting his wife raise their two daughters while he medicates with work and travel. He is clueless from the beginning and the most refreshing aspect of this film is that he doesn’t try to hide it. Parts of him love and hate his wife with the grieving process providing a landscape for his shifting emotional storms. Alexandra has been medicating with partying and boys, mostly to cover up her inability to be felt by either of her parents and due to being in the frequencies of their disconnected relationship for so long. She quickly shows her strength though, which is about a combination of being able to respond with maturity beyond her years in difficult situations and to call out adults when they are bullsh*tting. Matt leans into her, which I felt sad about considering it should be the other way around, but then, this is a necessary phase of their relationship until he can show up as the vulnerable and strong father that both of his daughters really need and deserve. No character in this movie is black and white but rather shades of gray, a mixture and mess of many parts…just like we all are.
Availablitity: On DVD for rental and purchase, On Netflix
Dead Poet’s Society- I hadn’t seen this Robin William’s movie released in 1989 for many years, but it had always been one of my favorites. I recently watched it again with Wayne and I immediately remembered why I had resonated with it in the past. I feel touched by the message of non-conformity boldly offered by the teacher John Keating and so eagerly embraced by his impressionable students, especially shy and awkward 17-year-olds Todd and his charismatic, natural leader roommate Neil. The real exploration in this film is not about the educational system, but about how our mainstream culture conditions men to become complacent, ordinary, mentally-based and, as offered by Neil’s patriarchal and controlling father, fear-based seekers of security. Fear vs. courage is the theme of this movie and the teenagers show that given just a little bit of templating toward courage, they can easily arise into it. It’s an amazing depiction of everything that is wrong with mainstream parenting, cultural conditioning, and our educational system. The cost of courage is dramatically offered in this movie but that it is better to risk than to conform is never questioned.
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My Summer Of Love- Bubbling and baking sexual exploration and obsessive love are the themes in this movie from 2004. The two teenage female characters, Mona and Tamsin, are a study in contrasts, parts of them drawn like magnets to qualities in the other that they’ve suppressed in themselves. Tamsin lives in a world of money and privileged upbringing but is a true victim of abandoning, narcissistic, and deceitful parents. Mona is more rough and tumble, like a raw wound without any covering on it, and is also an innocent victim of parental abandonment. Parts of them become obsessed with each other, physically and emotionally. It’s like watching a car crash happening in slow motion, you know that it can’t end well but it’s still uncomfortably fascinating. Mona’s older brother Phil is the only drawn out adult character in the film and he is a mess of hypocrisy, religious fanaticism, and inappropriate interest in Tamsin. It’s one of the few movies I can remember seeing that revolves around two teenage women.
Almost Famous- The 15-year-old, William, at the heart of this film IS the heart of this film. His innocence, yet solidity provides an anchor and a beacon to the emotionally tumultuous and heavily medicating musicians that he idolizes. His idealizations quickly get popped by the reality of their faults, similar to how he already feels about his easily duped and manipulated mother, who has denied him access to and tried to control his passion for music for years. This trip is his revenge against her and his coming out party as a budding man. I felt sad that there are no real role models for William here, other than life itself, which offers its own crucible of sexual exploration, love entanglements, and lessons about integrity. This film also very effectively uses music to portray emotional experiences.
For more:
“Indeed, the best coming-of-age movies are almost always fish-out-of-water films; the water is our youth, and coming of age is how we acclimate ourselves to it. “ From Pajiba.com’s list of best coming of age movies
Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, facilitator, and author of two books: Under The Bloated Banyan and In The Arms Of Mother. Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about starting the process to separate your false self from your authentic self during group, couples, and individual healing retreats on an ecoranch in Mexico.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
